Grief to Growth: Living Gracefully with Uncertainty & Change, Discussion #7

New Beginnings:
Moving Through → Reorganization/”Forgiving”
→ Recovery/”Gratitude”

Written by Cara Barth, CTA-Certified Life Coach-Specializing in Grief and Loss

As we proceed through our series built around the stages of grief, which include:

Loss/“Pain” → Shock/“Anger” → Protest/“Remembering” → Disorganization/“Guilt” → Reorganization/“Forgiving” → Recovery/“Gratitude”

we become increasingly aware of how fluid this whole process can be. We seem to float in and out of these stages as we are learning and growing, while everything seems to be shifting. I believe that Dan Moseley speaks to this quite well in his book Lose-Love-Live, when he says, “The way to new life, or the way to living without the presence of someone or something that has been significant, requires that a person live through several dimensions of life.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, these are all “touch points” that help us get our bearings as we wrestle with our new identities.

With all the above in mind, a number of psychology models describing grief refer to the next grief stage as “resolution,” “recovery,” “re-establishment,” or what I like to refer to it as “Reorganization.” A lot of models see this stage as being the final destination of your grief journey. I beg to differ with this idea of “closure.” Through my own grief events, as well as my observation of others, the truth as I see it, is that we are forever changed and the old sense of “normalcy” has been altered. How can you have an “end” when the journey is always changing and becoming a new one? You are reorganizing daily the awareness of things to come and how you will fit into this new equation.

To me, “Reorganization” is a more appropriate term for this stage of the process. With the courage one finds to reorganize, a renewed sense of energy and confidence emerges. We become re-involved with the activities of living this new life. I do not see this as an ending point but a fabulous new beginning! The work that is done to get to this stage is extensive. What was understood at the “head” level has now sunk in and is accepted within the “heart.” Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD in Understanding Your Grief wrote, “To experience reconciliation requires that you descend, not transcend. You don’t get to go around or above your grief. You must go through it. And while you are going through it, you must express it if you are to reconcile yourself to it.”

A hidden gift of this process is a “forgiving spirit.” Once we have struggled and identified the experiences of our humanity and the humanity of others, we find ourselves being more gracious toward others and ourselves. This breeds a sense of compassion for others who are in pain as well. When we are no longer dependent on what we have lost for our sense of well-being and identity, we soften. When I say that we become more forgiving, I do not mean we have to forget or that we are free from our memories. Actually, remembering the loss should become a part of who are and is a catalyst for self-understanding. However, forgiving allows the memory of the loss to shape what we do with our future BUT not control the path. Whether our loss was by choice or by circumstances, anger and guilt will be a part of the process of grief. The power of that anger and guilt to control our future will lesson if we allow forgiveness to be a part of our future life.

“I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.”

–Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

The final area of the grief journey is Recovery/ “Gratitude”. The whole concept of feeling a sense of “Recovery/Gratitude” may sound very foreign in the dialogue of grief. However, when the journey is embraced and the path becomes the goal NOT the final destination, we begin to find gratitude and appreciation in our transformation. Dan Moseley speaks to this quite well in his book Lose-Love-Live and says, “When you have struggled through the pain and anger of a loss and have allowed the forgiving spirit to begin to do its work, then you begin to discover gratitude. You will know that forgiveness of yourself and/or others has begun when you can look at the past and find gifts for which you are grateful.”

Now let me make this perfectly clear; to recognize your recovery and be grateful in the midst of a loss, does not take the value of what was lost away—we simply begin to unfold a deep understanding that there are doors that open when other doors have closed. Gratitude helps us grow into the reality of our lives for what they have become and not simply too long for the “loss.” Everyone loses! After a loss, it’s our responsibility to live. How we choose to move into our “newness” is the key. Will it be in bitterness or gratitude? Some seem to find a joy in the new life they enter into, while others live in the fear that allowing themselves to live fully will expose them to pain again. Some people even begin to form their identity around the sadness—it feeds them. They get the attention they want from others because they are, “so sad.” When we allow a transition to move us, push us into those painful places, then can the deep and inner awakening happen which makes growth, recovery and gratitude immeasurable. My prayer is that everyone knows such a peace with the transitional processing and not form an identity of “hopelessness,” “misery,” and “sorrow.”

Regardless of where you currently are in your healing process, the journey through grief is life-changing! You will never be the same person that you were before this life event happened. You may cling and claw to what you want to remain but it will be like trying to hug the wind. Changes and sorrow are an inseparable dimension of our human experience. Through our suffering, we are transformed. When you do all the work of transitional grief processing, you will discover a new self and life beyond the loss emerging within.

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable”

–Helen Keller

Finally, please remember that the journey of growth through loss does not always happen sequentially. There will be good days and bad days. Growing into your “newness,” you will start to have more energy for future ventures and there will be less time spent in the painful places. This reorganizing and progression plays out in bits and pieces. Be open to it when it comes; see it as a breath of fresh air to help you sore above and beyond past perspectives. Heal well my friends!

Grief to Growth: Living Gracefully with Uncertainty & Change, Discussion #6

Moving Through → Disorganization/”Guilt”

Written by Cara Barth, CTA-Certified Life Coach-Specializing in Grief and Loss

As we continue our series built around the stages of grief, this fourth grief pattern takes a lot of folks by surprise. We do not expect such a wave of disorganization and guilt to take hold when all we believe should happen is those emotions linked to “sadness.” This place of grief can literally throw us into an illusion that our immanent insanity is lurking in the shadows. When we experience a major shift in our lives, we begin to question the meaning and purpose of our life as well as the life of others that this loss or “shift” has touched. Through the process of questioning, a sense of being “disorganized” usually arises and we begin to evaluate our ability to do anything “right.” The lines start to blur and all of a sudden we don’t know how to make good decisions about our future, or anything else for that matter, so it seems! This stage of grief can also create a huge amount of guilt because we begin to put under the microscope any action and/or thought that we believe influenced loss within the past, present or even future. Knowing this is natural, healthy and normal will help you remember and embrace the knowledge of the 6 Pieces of “Transitional Grief Patterning” (TGP). We can then rest assured that we are NOT crazy, do not do everything wrong and we must keep moving in a healthy manner through all the stages of grief. Here’s another reminder of the process:

Loss/“Pain” → Shock/“Anger” → Protest/“Remembering” → Disorganization/“Guilt” → Reorganization/“Forgiving” → Recovery/“Gratitude”

Many folks don’t realize that the guilt after a loss is real. As Dan Moseley points out in his book Lose-Love-Live, “Guilt is a real dimension of a responsible community. Therefore, whenever a significant loss occurs, we begin to raise questions about what we should or should not have done.” As we go into the stage of “Disorganization/“Guilt”, we begin to call into question the beliefs we held about ourselves as well. As the questioning and identity crises continue and we doubt everything about everything, guilt starts screaming in our heads, “We had the power to make a difference BUT didn’t!” Even if the changes occurring are good things, like a job promotion, a move to a new town, maybe the purchase of a new home, this loss/change can cut into any semblance of reasonableness we have. Have you ever heard of the term, “buyers’ remorse”? This is the overwhelming feelings that we get after making a significant purchase in which we question, “why would we EVER do such a thing?” Even if the purchase is a wonderful decision for our family or ourselves, we doubt our ability to make appropriate choices. It is this very phenomenon that makes our mind and body feel very unsettled in the face of a new situation.

As we cling to the known, this uncharted territory reeks havoc on our mind. “Guilt rides the vehicles of “what if” and “if only,” driving us to near insanity.” The feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness and shame are the reasons that we must spend some time dealing with guilt in the grieving process. Truly evaluating what we are responsible for and what we have or had no power to control is vital. When we do this “truth” assessment, it opens the door for understanding the fact that we do not have to carry the burden of a belief that we could have changed and are responsible for everything. Quite frankly we are not that important! What I mean is, the world does not revolve around us and we do not have the ability to control and direct the outcome of all aspects of life itself. This processing enables you to claim what power you actually have and release the rest. We need to assess what we need repentance of and what we just need to let go.

Finally, “naming our limits and accepting our humanity opens us up to the delightful human future beyond our pain. When we realize our limits, we are not tempted to over-function in the future. When we are realistic about our responsibility, then we can also be realistic about our mistakes.”

The grief process of disorientation and guilt should be seen as a gift in which we are given the opportunity to face our losses in a realistic manner that can produce a large amount of inner growth and freedom in facing the future with realistic, foundational expectations.

“There are two kinds of guilt: the kind that drowns you until you’re useless, and the kind that fires your soul to purpose.” 

–Sabaa Tahir,  An Ember in the Ashes

Here’s a wonderful exercise you might like to try in helping with all the “Feels:” Write a letter about the loss you are working through. In this letter, include details, lots of details! Describe the emotions of loss you are dealing with, especially the ones of Guilt. Why do you feel guilty? Tell yourself ALL the things…good, hard, messy, etc. Spend time here in this process. Take however long until it feels “complete.” Now, destroy it! Have a bonfire, rip it to shreds, tie a rock around it and throw it in the river…whatever it takes to be “DONE.”

As you watch the letter be consumed, release it all. Tell yourself, “I am doing, have done, and will do the best I can with the “tools” I have at the time. I am enough! My feelings are real, valid and I am worth the time it takes to walk this healing path. Thank you self for being who you are. Thank you self for remembering that I am a human-being not a human-doing and I am releasing all the things I feel I wasn’t because the truth is I am!”

Grief to Growth: Living Gracefully with Uncertainty & Change, Discussion #5

Moving Through → Protest/“Remembering”

Written by Cara Barth, CTA-Certified Life Coach-Specializing in Grief and Loss

Healing is a painful process. Ask anyone that has undergone a broken bone that needed to be re-set or one who required reconstruction surgery after cancer, and they will inevitably tell you stories of the pain endured on their road to healing. It seems strange to ponder how such opposites can preempt healthy conclusions. Why is it we must experience the pain to enhance the healing? The essence of being human is one full of cycles of contradiction. While this may create a sense of frustration, if we keep moving and working on our healing journey, the stronger the resolve of character is built into the fabric of our spirit!

When it comes to a loss, the 6 Pieces of “Transitional Grief Patterning” (TGP); help create the groundedness needed to learn what it is we are moving away from and where we are headed. They help clear the fog of our “identity confusion.” The third part of grieving is Protest/ “Remembering.” Leaning into this new season of our lives, means we must spend some time remembering what has been lost. During this time, we may seem to others to be protesting the whole situation we have found ourselves in because we keep re-telling the events over and over and over and over again to ANYONE who will listen! This is when we create a long grocery line (or opportunity for a captured audience) into a personal “bearing of the soul to strangers” session. We notice people seeing us coming and crossing the street in avoidance. While this may be disheartening or us, it’s a natural part of the process, and we must surround ourselves with people who are good listeners. We are trying to come to terms with the absence of someone/something that was important to us. “Remembering is such a continuous process because significant losses are a loss to the whole self. They affect the mind, body and soul.

“Living is like tearing through a museum. Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering, because you can’t take it in all at once.”

–Audrey Hepburn

Whether it’s a person, place, thing, or a community that was lost, we developed a relationship of comfort, and a memory is a non-tangible that serves us well at this point of the healing process. This place of mourning allows one to keep pursuing the old relationship while creating a space for the emerging perspectives around what has changed in the situation and how all the pieces are going to fit together in the future. Blending painful as well as happy memories are important. We must feel all the “feels” and allow for these emotions to come over us. Hurtful memories particularly must be addressed! “

“To ignore painful or ambivalent memories is to prevent you from healing. If you repress or deny these memories, you risk carrying an underlying sadness or anger into your future.”

– Alen D. Wolfelt, PhD, Understanding Your Grief

In my experiences, remembering the past makes a hope for the future possible. Do not let yourself, or others, deprive you of this process. Speak your experiences as many times as needed to bring the closure and light into perspective. Find people that will listen and allow this process, while not trying to rush you through it. This is a time for walks in the park, porch sitting and “couch time.” Your future will only be open to newness in relation to how much you have embraced your past. I heard it said once that, “I can release the pain that touches my memories, but only if I remember them. I can release my grief, but only if I express it. Memories and grief MUST have a heart to hold them.”

I will leave you with this final thought as prompt to your process:

“The essence of finding meaning in the future is not to forget my past, as I have been told, but instead to embrace my past…For it is in listening to the music of the past that I can sing in the present and dance into the future”

–Anonymous

Consider journaling, painting or exploring another creative way to embrace this process of telling the story of your grief.

Grief to Growth: Living Gracefully with Uncertainty & Change, Discussion #4

Moving Through → Shock/“Anger”

Written by Cara Barth, CTA-Certified Life Coach-Specializing in Grief and Loss

In the last two posts in this series, we explored Loss/ “Pain” and their partner Fear, where we learned that Loss/”Pain” and Fear do not need to be stopping points for changes occurring in one’s life. Instead, these patterns of the grief cycle can be seen as places of growth. While these places of grief can produce fear, I want to encourage you to keep moving—feeling pain teaches us truth!

“The process of grieving involves pain because it is a birthing process, a stretching and tearing that opens the way for a new spirit to emerge. It requires the knitting together of painful and pleasant memories to discover a new way of understanding ourselves.” –Dan Moseley

Shock and “Anger” are the next phases of grief that can come into play. This is where the body and mind go into a holding pattern of self-preservation and when “fog time” descends. We go into a mode of survival and can feel a numbness. Statements such as “I can’t keep a thought going,” or “I can’t breathe,” can be expressed and experienced. The awareness that events lie outside our range of understanding or control, prevents us from adequately picturing the future. Holding onto foundational truths can ease the shock and help lift the veil during these times.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Prov 3:5-6)

Disorientation from a transitional shock breeds anger. Anger is a natural response to an identity crisis. We want concretes. We want answers and the foundational structures of our life back. The comfort zone in life, when removed, backs us into a corner and we come out swinging! Being angry is a very natural response to loss or change. In his book Lose – Love – Live, Dan Moseley states, “Anger is, among other things, the response the body feels when it senses a threat.” Dealing with these emotions and physical responses to change in our lives can define future health or further crisis. There comes a point in every person’s life where one must decide his/her own path. Left or right could mean you end up in place of wonderful transition and growth or a state of stagnation and regression. We use these situations to either wake ourselves up or put ourselves to sleep. The good news is that all of these transitional patterns are natural, God-directed, and growth-producing if we allow them to be. Each step provides the catalyst for the next phase of the healing process which includes:

Protest/“Remembering” → Disorganization/“Guilt” → Reorganization/“Forgiving” → Recovery/“Gratitude”

Being in touch with our Shock/“Anger” is a vital part of growing emotionally, physically and spiritually. All of this may feel like a huge maze we must maneuver to find an unknown ending. However, it may be when there’s a big disappointment, change, or “shake-up” in our lives, that we find ourselves at the beginning of a great adventure!

Read the quotes below then consider the following questions:

• What does your gut feel?

• What is your “head-talk”?

• What sets you in a rage or angers you now that never did before?

• What would your personal “quote” about shock/anger say?

“In that moment, I welcomed back the light and let go of the fear, the feelings of unworthiness, the past, the loss, the wallowing, the grief and the anger. I let go of the illusion of control in our losses, of our afflictions.”
–Ariana Carruth

“But if she let go of her anger, all that would remain was grief and pain. Anger was easier. Anger could be focused outward. Grief corroded from within.”
–Robin Hobb

“You keep storing up all that anger and grief. Eventually it spills over. Or you drown in it.”
–Leigh Bardugo

Grief to Growth: Living Gracefully with Uncertainty & Change, Discussion #3

Moving Through → Loss/“Pain”

Written by Cara Barth, CTA-Certified Life Coach-Specializing in Grief and Loss

This current series of discussions around the grief cycle are rooted in that idea that Knowledge = Strength. Breaking down the process of grief into palatable parts through the two previous discussions gave empowering key points such as:

• Everyone goes through seasons of life;

• Change is the only certainty;

• We are not alone in our process and therefore need to find grace in the “growing pains” each place holds;

• The grief cycle may be triggered by any of life’s transitions, good or “bad;”

• Grief patterns are not “defined” transitions but rather touch points; and

• There are “Six Transitional Patterns” that are foundational.

With all this in mind, I will unpack one of the first patterns of grief further: Loss/“Pain.”

When we look at the term “loss” it seems self-explanatory. However, I have come to understand that loss felt through some of life’s transitions has depth, and we need to “peel the onion” to look at all the layers! A perceived loss will usually cause a physical and/or emotional “pain” as well. The two seem to be companions of each other—it’s hard to experience loss without a visceral and/or emotional sensation of some sort.

Take for example a divorce (or break-up). There is the loss of a life that one thought would take place, loss of dreams, possible loss of income, loss of companionship, loss of security, etc. With these losses comes the emotional pain of questions like:

• What will my life look like without this person?

• How will I make or supplement my income?

• Who will I spend time with?

As the emotions escalate so does the physical response. Some examples might be the “divorce cough,” which I personally experienced (for 2 years) and have now observed in my clients. This is a condition where one feels as though there is a dry place in the back of the throat all of the time and nothing can relieve it. Many folks lose significant amounts of weight when going through the divorce process. Both are physical manifestations of the body and mind under duress after a significant loss pattern. Losses create pain. Whether it’s emotional, physical, cognitive, or spiritual we all experience some type of transitional “undoing.”

I would be misguiding if I didn’t mention a final triggered “bedfellow” of Loss/”Pain” and that would be “Fear.” Fear is “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc.”—whether the threat is real or imagined.

It’s not a terrible thing to feel fear when faced with the unknown. It is part of being alive and something we all share. We react against the possibility of loneliness, of death, or not having anything to hold on to.

Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.”
– Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart—Heart Advice for Difficult Times

We will continue to unpack conversations around each of the “Six Transitional Grief Patterns” over the next six weeks. While you take the time to dig into this first pattern of loss, consider the following graphic and ask: “Where am I in this process?”

As I close this discussion, I want to leave you with two thoughts: The Lord knew we would go through the process of Loss/”Pain” and ultimately experience Fear, BUT in knowing this, He sent a message: Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6) For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)

Grief to Growth: Living Gracefully with Uncertainty & Change, Discussion #2

The 6 Pieces of “Transitional Grief Patterning”

Written by Cara Barth, CTA-Certified Life Coach-Specializing in Grief and Loss

In our first discussion of this series, I presented an introduction to the process, where I explained that change is the only certainty. As we progress into this next discussion, let me share a thought on how one might gather tools to go through transitional chaos and come out with foundational clarity.

One major tool for success is gathering information. Knowledge equals strength. The more we understand a process, the more empowered we feel.

Knowledge of the Phases

If someone dies or leaves us, if we lose a job, friend, or pet, if we change careers, or another large part of our life is disrupted in some way, we experience loss. Grief is the healing process our subconscious uses to help us readjust to life altering changes or transitions. Individuals enter into these transitional cycles and spend time bouncing from feeling-to-feeling until we reach a point of acceptance and readjustment. However, one thing to understand is that there is no particular order to this process. As we move in and out of the cycles we must be kind to ourselves. Here enters the “maître” or grace. Simply put, grace must first and foremost be gifted to ourselves. Only then can it flow out to others whom are present in these shifting seasons of life.

There are many theories and explanations of the grief cycle. In my experiences, research, and study I have found that Dan Moseley’s “Six Transitional Grief Patterns” hold true. Here’s an outline of the pattern:

1: Loss/”Pain” → 2: Shock/”Anger” → 3: Protest/”Remembering” →
4: Disorganization/”Guilt”→ 5: Reorganization/”Forgiving” →
6: Recovery/”Gratitude”

As I stated earlier, these are not defined transitions but touch points where we can explore the loss. Nick Hornby described this well in his book A Long Way Down:

“Hard is trying to rebuild yourself, piece by piece, with no instruction book and no clue as to where all the important bits are supposed to go...The outward manifestations of an inner combustion are never very directed.”

Strength in Process

As hard as this might seem, take heart my friends. For the Lord created us to be beings that can survive hardship. He has placed deep inside each of us coping skills which allow healing in a productive way—if we allow ourselves to take the faith steps needed to do so as each grief phase arises. Each cycle can teach us about who we truly are and what we will become in our next season.

We’ll look at each of the “Six Transitional Grief Patterns” in more detail throughout the next few weeks. In the meantime, consider reflecting on the following prompts:

1. Any kind of growth requires giving up one thing for something else. What do you feel your losses are lately?

2. Examine your emotions and create something. Creativity and pain go hand and hand. What is a creative outlet for you?

3. Set your intention to grow and learn through this process. What does a positive outcome look like to you? Define it.

4. Ask the hard questions of yourself, God, and others around the “whys.” Write a letter or list of everything you’d like to know as you embark on a healing journey.

As I close this discussion around the phases of loss, I pray you feel more enlightened and empowered. I will leave you with a final thought….

“The path is the goal. The source of our wisdom is whatever is going to happen to us today. What we do accumulates; the future is the result of what we do right now. When we find ourselves in a mess, we don’t have to feel guilty about it. Instead, we could reflect on the fact that how we relate to this mess will be sowing seeds of how we will relate to whatever happens next. We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves strong.”

– Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart – Heart Advice for Difficult Times

Grief to Growth: Living Gracefully with Uncertainty & Change, Discussion #1

Introduction to the Process

Written by Cara Barth, CTA-Certified Life Coach-Specializing in Grief and Loss

As I sat down to share with you lessons learned in my 55 years of “living”, I began to reflect on how the Lord has taught me to sit back, push through and breathe in the seasons of life. My story is not unique in any stretch of the imagination, however my prayer is that what my experiences have taught me, will bring others new perspectives in which they may learn to sit back, push through and breathe in the blessings and grace that life’s uncertainties and changes can bring. I believe the author Sue Monk Kidd in her book The Secret Life of Bees: said it well; “Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die, we can’t remember who we are or why we’re here.”

What I have learned through my personal experiences with divorce (as a child and adult), job changes, financial issues, kid issues (six total, 3 born of me and 3 that took “steps” to be born into my heart) and the list goes on daily, is that every day brings an ebb and flow of changes in which I have learned to develop a need for “maître”. Maître is the Sanskrit word for loving-kindness (Grace). This kindness and grace must first and foremost be gifted to ourselves and then it can flow out to others whom are present in the shifting seasons of our life.

The seasons I speak of are such transitions for example as an illness diagnosis, you may have found yourself “suddenly single” or maybe you’re still single and wonder if you’ll ever get married? Maybe you’re about to graduate from college and have no idea what you will do this coming year. Perhaps you just lost your job. Maybe you’ve just started a new job and feel overwhelmed at the challenges that are before you. Or, you’ve just realized that your “community” of support is shifting in some respect and this has literally pulled the rug out from under you, leaving you groundless. The list is endless as well as the perspectives around these “story makers.” The end gift of everyone’s story can be for us to grow into individuals the Lord can mold, use and go out to teach others the value of seasonal transitions.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. (Isaiah 43:2)

Everyone goes through transformation, one truth is that if you are not experiencing changes, you are NOT among the living and you might need to check your pulse! Another truth, something I read recently, “Life after all IS fair. Ultimately it breaks EVERYBODY’S heart!” This could not be truer BUT it does not have to be defeating. The Lord has created us to be very strong and resilient. We were designed for a life in which we can go through the hard times; find peace in the easy times so we can be instruments for those that need to hear from us, “I know what you are going through, you are NOT alone!”

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4) 

Sometimes you must go through the valley to reach the top of the mountain and see things in a different light. The “weeping prophet” (I didn’t even know there was a weeping prophet until I was doing some research), Jeremiah says it well: 

“It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. (Lamentations 3:22-24 KJV)

So take heart! The process from grief to growth and healing, as painful or unfamiliar as it might be, when done through the eyes of grace and purpose, can bring a new identity of self that plays a central part of being alive and to avoid loss and “seasonal” changes is to avoid life itself.

Finally, grief is NOT just dealing with a literal death. The grief cycle will be triggered as we transition and grow. Grief is the normal process of reacting to a loss. The loss may be physical (such as a death), social (change in community interaction/dynamics), or occupational (such as a job)—even good things can trigger this cycle. Emotional reactions of grief can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, the list is endless…

As you ponder this week about what feelings might be bubbling up in you during transitions, consider these questions and prompts:

• By taking a step back and asking yourself, “Why am I down?” you can begin the process of evaluating your situation intellectually instead of emotionally.

• What positive encounters have I had? Keep a record of every positive encounter you’ve had.

• Am I alone? Am I REALLY alone in this or is there a whole group of folks in this with me?

• Why am I doing this? Why am I truly feeling this way? No blaming others—search within as to why this event is triggering you.

Think about the things discussed here, take notes, dive within and next week we will dig into: “The 6 Pieces of “Transitional Grief Patterning. Because, one major tool for success is gathering information, “Knowledge = Strength.” The more we understand a process, the more empowered we feel!